


Lasagna On Delivery

by NestPlaster



Category: Garfield - All Media Types, Love On Delivery
Genre: Cartoon Physics, Crack, Crack Crossover, Food Sex, Hong Kong, Kung Fu, Masks, Mondays, Other, Stairs, Tongues, lasagna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 07:30:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NestPlaster/pseuds/NestPlaster
Summary: Deleted scene. If you don't look too closely at the timelines. Or almost any other part of it.





	Lasagna On Delivery

"Mondays."

Ho Kam-An bolted upright from a full sleep at the low, lazy voice speaking clearly here in his bedroom, and scrubbed furiously at his eyes. Finding focus he looked across the small room to a large orange cat sitting calmly at the threshold.

Not just a large orange cat he thought, blinking hard. The large orange cat.

"You bring great shame to my name," continued Garfield, "and now I find myself here, Monday morning, starting my week off on having to deal with your mess."

"But I won the fight!" exclaimed Ho Kam-An, "I defeated Grizzly by finding my courage through the mask!"

"You have already lost the war." Garfield drew on the years of patience learned from his roommate and explained slowly. "You know only a fragment of the true technique, and you will ultimately be defeated. Wearing my face. Damaging my name." He sounded weary and ready for a nap.

"With my new courage I will prevail" countered Ho Kam-An, sounding slightly less certain this time. "Invincible Fireball is invincible, with the courage to tumble!" He eyed the interloping cat carefully, taking note of the stairs just a short landing behind the door frame occupied by the cat.

"Try me" challenged Garfield in a voice heavy with weariness "and learn your folly."

Ho Kam-An let free a cry of confidence and launched himself against the cat, fully prepared to endure the four flights required to reach ground level, but found himself caught up short in a pillowy mass of soft orange hair. The cat let out a sigh not from the impact, but to communicate profound disappointment.

"Invincible Fireball is not an offensive technique" Garfield explained, "but one that requires your opponent to engage. You have learned how little you know. Please do not embarrass either of us further."

The cat slunk away into the darkness of the morning, grumbling about breakfast. Ho Kam-An sat down heavily on his futon to think.  


* * *

  
As agreed they met at noon. Some weeks had passed before Ho Kam-An sent out the summons, and despite his misgivings he found the cat waiting for him at the top of the hill, stoic as a Buddha.

"Again on a Monday" Garfield drawled laconically, "if you think this small insult will infuriate me you are woefully uninformed about the trails of my daily life." The cat sniffed at the air with disdain, but Ho Kam-An noticed one ear quiver slightly afterwards.

"No insult intended Master" explained Ho Kam-An, "yet I suspect you will have difficult in refraining from action when faced with ... this!" In a sudden movement he whipped his arms violently to each side, tearing the rip-away workout suit from his body. Beneath he was a wet dripping mess coated in tomato sauce and baked cheese, noodles dripping limply from every nook and cranny. The air was suddenly suffused with the scent of lasagna.

"Intriguing" admitted Garfield, approaching carefully in a low crouch, "yet what if the response you provoke is not the full charge you expect?" The cat crept near cautiously, and suddenly a gigantic bulbous tongue popped out from beneath heavy orange jowls and licked gracefully up the back of a lasagna coated calf.

"That tickles!" exclaimed Ho Kam-An, pivoting on his heel to try and twist away -- and in that moment of weakness the cat was upon him. Ho Kam-An felt himself pinned beneath impossibly heavy paws as the tongue continued to swirl and explore, clearing away sauce and cheese and leaving him gyrating furiously to attempt to escape the relentless assault. Even worse the tongue was provoking other reactions, and in an effort to present the most complete and compelling target possible Ho Kam-An had avoiding wearing any additional clothing that might soak up the delectable sauce.

A deep purring filled in the gaps between wet slaps and sucking noises, and Ho Kam-An felt himself swell with arousal as the thick tongue lapped between his thighs, determined to get every last bit of noodle from his body. It moved with incredible agility, firm and precise in its efforts. Soon enough Ho Kam-An felt himself gyrating more from pleasure than tickling, and then tensing up in an orgasmic release that landed just as the last of the lasagna was lapped. The paws withdraw as heavy ropes of cum landed on his tongue-slicked chest, covering him once again.

"At least you took care of breakfast this time" commented Garfield, slinking away once more and leaving Ho Kam-An a quivering wreck on the grass.  


* * *

  
Months passed before the next meeting.

Once more Garfield was waiting at the hilltop when Ho Kam-An arrived. Ho Kam-An made a point of walking up the long flight of stone steps leading to the summit of the hill, appearing slowly over the crest. Garfield narrowed his eyes slightly, sensing a difference in his approach. The student moved with confidence, rather than desperation.

From behind his back Ho Kam-An produced a small plate, holding a single slice of lasagna.

"While that does look delicious" opened Garfield, "surely you can not be so foolish as to think I would take even a step for a single slice. Even for a single tray, I would be disappointed if you did not deliver it in an attempt to make up for insulting my presence with so paltry a gift."

"This time it is you who are seeing the slice and not the tray" said Ho Kam-An calmly. "This is not just about a slice of lasagna. This is about this slice of lasagna."

"My cousin works in the shipping business" Ho Kam-An continued, "and my brother-in-law at the docks. It was not a simple matter but I was able to leverage their connections in the industry to create an artificial surplus of tomato sauce in the computer systems, and to arrange for the final few shipments to be lost to the black market. As far as Italy is concerned Hong Kong is flush with tomato sauce, and no shipment has sailed for some time."

Garfield maintained a neutral expression, but could not help his ears laying slightly back at this revelation.

"The sister of our dishwasher works with the state department, and was able to help me raise concerns of mad bovine disease with the government. In the interests of preserving the health of the population, they learned that it would be only prudent to ban foreign milk for a duration of no less than six months. This alone would not be sufficient, but it was also suggested that with a shortage looming, they ensure that existing supplies be restricted to critical industries. You will find that no matter what shop you visit, there is not a scrap of mozzarella cheese to be found."

Garfield sat back on his haunches, ears now nearly flat. Despite a quiver of fear, Ho Kam-An knew he had to continue.

"A food reviewer was able to provide a connection into the newspaper industry, and after a great deal of effort I worked my way up to editor. With some careful writing I was able to leverage the current wave of patriotism to suggest that rice was a much more appropriate national material than wheat. You may, dear friend, yet find wheat noodles if you look very carefully for a shop owner willing to risk the ire of the nation. But you will be hard pressed to find one who will risk their store on a relatively obscure flat noodle shape."

"So, dear friend. You are looking not at a slice of lasagna. You are looking at the last slice of lasagna in Hong Kong." Ho Kam-An concluded and without a moment of hesitation stuffed the lasagna into his mouth, near choking as he swallowed as quickly as possible -- for the cat was already airborne, eyes wide with rage. Ho Kam-An gulped down the last bite and took the hit, falling backwards down the stairs.  


* * *

  
The two lay near but apart, both on their backs at the base of the stairs. Ho Kam-An was unscathed and aglow with elation, looking up into the calm spring sky. In contrast Garfield was heavily covered in cross-hatching, with stars and birds circling his head. Turning, the cat propped open the eye that was not swollen shut, and appraised Ho Kam-An again.

"Your Invincible Fireball is all they say" the cat admitted, "but it pales when compared in your dedication to provoking an attack."

Ho Kam-An smiled deeply as he continued to look upwards, content in the moment.

"Today the master has become a student" continued Garfield. "Today, Ho Kam-An, I admit that you are worthy of being the Garfield Fighter."


End file.
